After two episodes in a row that revolved around Homer’s relationship with his kids, what could possibly be the best way to end Season Nine? Hardcore Nudity!
Before we get to all the nudity and sex, the episode starts off with Homer and Marge getting all dressed up for a night on the town, since it’s their anniversary. Unfortunately when they go downstairs they find Bart and Lisa unsupervised and just smacking each other with Hot Wheels tracks, which is hilarious. Apparently Grandpa was supposed to babysit the kids while Homer and Marge went on their date, but he’s busy yelling at Rod and Todd, not realizing he’s in the wrong house. And since we’ve already learned that leaving Bart and Lisa alone leads to broken arms and Maggie in a cat-box, there’s no choice other than taking the kids to dinner with them.
But Bart doesn’t really want to go to the fancy restaurant that Homer and Marge were planning on going to, and somehow convinces them to go to a terrible airplane-themed restaurant called Up, Up, and Buffet, which is basically an old commercial airplane sitting in a parking lot that they serve terrible food in. The family go there, and while Bart and Lisa have a blast, Homer and Marge just get more and more depressed at the state of their lives. So they just go home, and sadly look at the piece of wedding cake that they leave in the freezer. Which is gross. My wife and I didn’t do that, because all you ever hear is that the cake tastes nasty, so we just keep ordering new pieces of cake from the same baker on our anniversary. Easier that way.
And their awkward night just keeps going, because they head up to their bedroom, and are unable to muster the energy to rock the Kasbah. There’s a brief interlude when Santa’s Little Helper comes in and they love on him, but in the end they just go to sleep, feeling very weird about their anniversary. And things just keep getting worse, because the next morning they wake up and find that the freezer wasn’t properly shut after gawking at the cake and the fridge’s motor has blown, ruining all of their food. So Homer and Marge get to spend their Saturday going out to the boondocks to buy a replacement fridge motor. Romance! And things just keep getting worse, because after hearing a hilarious radio advert about the joys of divorce they get stuck in some mud, unable to move their car.
However before we see what happens with that plot, we’re introduced to the silly and hell B-Plot, which begins with Lisa and Bart hanging out with Grandpa at the Retirement Castle. He’s lecturing them about the history of bananas, but that’s cut short when Lisa finds his old metal detector from WWII. They test it out on Grandpa, finding all the metal in his body, before pinging on his skull, which makes Grandpa say “That’s news to me,” which was so goddamn funny.
But before we see Bart and Lisa become weird beachcombers, we cut back to Homer and Marge, whose day has just gotten worse, because now a thunderstorm has started. They flee their stuck car, and make it into a nearby barn. They hide up in a hay-loft, and keep quiet when the disgruntled farmer shows up to try and kill them. But they get away with it, and while hiding up there they suddenly realize that the spark that’s been missing from their sex life has suddenly been charged up, and they start having sex up in the loft while a cow creepily watches.
The next day they come home with the motor, and get the fridge up and running, plus they’re out of their sex-rut. Bonus! So that weekend while Bart and Lisa search for pirate booty in their backyard, they head out to a bed and breakfast to keep things going. Unfortunately when they get there they realize that that spark may already be dead. That is until a maid barges in on them, and they finally realize that the real secret of their hay-loft sex was the danger of being caught. So they immediately get weird and go downstairs to have sex in the bed and breakfasts craft room, which features one of my favorite stupid gags of all time. They’re worked on a puzzle of a donkey, and put the last piece in, and a lady just cries out, “Oh! It’s a donkey!” Which is hilarious.
So Homer and Marge head home, pleased to find that they have a weird new fetish. This grosses out Bart and Lisa, but its okay because they’re busy digging up the vacant lot next to the Aztec theater. And they find pay dirt, because their metal detector gets them a buried film-reel that claims is an alternate ending to Casablanca. So they run over to the Retirement Castle to play the reel with Grandpa, and we’re treated to an amazing scene. We see Rick saying goodbye to Ilsa with Louis, only to reveal that Louis is evil. He’s saved though by Sam, who throws his piano at the evil Frenchman, only to have Hitler pop out of the piano to attack them. But Ilsa comes to the rescue, and the movie ends with a great “The end?” Bart was a huge fan of the ending, but Lisa is less so. However it turns out Old Jewish Man was involved with the creation of the ending, and he pays the kids to re-bury the canister, along with another called “It’s a Wonderful Life, Murder Spree Ending.” Mr. Potter gets what he deserves!
Meanwhile, Homer and Marge decide to keep going with their new sex-life, and head off to the put-put course to have sex in the windmill like they did when Bart was conceived. Unfortunately attendance at the course has apparently gotten higher, because a bunch of people show up and quickly realize that there’s something wrong with the windmill, because balls keep getting stuck. So They begin poking and prodding the inside of the windmill, until Moe decides the best course of action is to just pump carbon monoxide into the little windmill. Which causes Homer and Marge to push the windmill over, and as the crowd is distracted by dust and the windmill decapitating Abraham Lincoln Homer and Mage make a run for it. Nude
So our frisky married couple begin running across town, desperate to make it home with no one seeing them, since the crowd from the put-put course have not called the police, since they realized that there were naked people inside. They run around town until they come across a used-car lot where Gil is working. They ask Gil for help, but he just tries to sell them a car, so they steal his hot-air balloon and take to the skies! So they keep heading home, until they come across a clothesline, so Homer tries to steal some clothes. This doesn’t work, and he ends up falling out, and hanging from a rope. And after briefly dragging his ass along a church with a big window, they end up crashing the balloon in the middle of a football stadium where everyone in town is. So everyone gets to see Homer and Marge naked, and in the end, they just own up and wave to the crowd. The episode then ends with their pictures in the paper, Bart and Lisa horrified, and them heading off for some more hot put-put sex.
I really like this episode. I feel like we really don’t get enough episodes that are about realistic marital issues. There are plenty that are about Homer and Marge deal with Bart and Lisa, which makes sense, when you’re a parent your life starts to revolve around them. But there are a lot of things that come from married life that are perfect for an episode of the Simpsons to investigate. Usually when we look at Homer and Marge’s relationship, it’s when they’re fighting and things are shaky. But there are other issues in marriages other than fighting. The idea of them needing to spice up their sex-life is very realistic and interesting. It’s very easy to get in a rut and lose some passion, and this episode is a great example of how you need to be proactive. There’s just something about this episode that I found really emotional. It was a really great episode that I imagine will just get better and better as I age and I have more years of marriage under my belt. It’s a great way to end Season Nine.
Take Away: Marriages take work, even your sex-life, and you need to keep that spark alive.
“Natural Born Kissers” was written by Matt Selman and directed by Klay Hall, 1998.
Categories: Lifetime of Simpsons